Take Down Your Boundaries
Taking down boundaries is just as important as putting them up.
For someone who always seems to want to tell everyone everything, I have a lot of boundaries up. Contradictory I know, welcome to my mind haha. As much as I want to be able to explain why I am the way I am, I realised that I was using my personal experiences as a kind of excuse for my behaviours, or to let people understand why I don't say much.
Recently, I started not caring about that so much. My desperation to want to wear my heart on my sleeve was a way of looking for social acceptance. To not let people make up their own opinions about me and so on. Which, if you think about it, is pretty messed up.
If you being yourself doesn't resonate with people around you, then so what? Who actually cares. Becuase they don't, if they aren't willing to break down your boundaries and get to know you better, why should you?
Now, I'm not saying that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a bad thing, becuase it's 100% not and I still do. But now, I'd say I'm less ready to pour out everything to people who haven't asked for it.
I don't use it to excuse my quietness or my actions. For one, to excuse a behaviour suggests that an action is shameful or embarassing, which it isnt. I don't need to apologise for who I am. And secondly, no one actually gives a f***. Not in a rude way, but in a liberating way. People with social anxiety tend to forget the fact that no one is overthinking the same things you are. There's comfort in that when we remind ourselves of it, I think.
Ironically, I also hate pouring my heart out. I'm a walking contradictory hypocrite, I know.
Whenever I'm at my lowest, I push people away. I'm sure loads of people can relate to that. It's a pretty common human defence mechanism, which stupidly, often does more harm than good.
In this sense, taking down the boundaries that you think are protecting you is probably the best thing you could do to help you get better when you're going through it. Although, I'm aware that during the peak of a breakdown, that's not so easy. But like I said in my last post, you're real friends and family will be there for you when you come out the other end and be patient with you while you figure out how to take down those wall you were so eager to establish.
So basically, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between toxic boundaries and healthy ones. Especially, when at the time you're adamant you're doing the right thing for yourself.
I'm not here to tell you to re-evaluate boundaries you've created or that they're wrong for you. No one can tell you that. But if we're completely honest with ourselves, we've all pushed people away, or maybe just abandoned boundaries all together and sneak attacked people we think are judging us with our entire life history...or maybe that's just me.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we should use it more often. Yes the past is behind us and we should look forward to the future and all that but we can learn so much from mistakes we've made and times we've pushed people away. No one ever has it all figured out and no one's perfect, so trying to do those things is actually completely pointless.
Obviously, some boundaries are pretty sound and completely rational. Like when a car full of creepy guys driving down Broad Street in Birmingham on a Saturday night tell you to get in and they'll take you to a party. Don't get in. That's a pretty solid, unquestionable boundary everyone should have.
Of course figuring out healthy boundaries, like when to say no and not allowing toxic people into your world, are undeniably important. But I don't think we'll know exactly what's right until we take down our defensive boundaries first. Yeah you'll probably get hurt but so what? Isn't that what makes us the superior species anyway? To be capable of feeling incredible emotions and complex social situations that will test your character.
Pick yourself back up and try again.
For someone who always seems to want to tell everyone everything, I have a lot of boundaries up. Contradictory I know, welcome to my mind haha. As much as I want to be able to explain why I am the way I am, I realised that I was using my personal experiences as a kind of excuse for my behaviours, or to let people understand why I don't say much.
Recently, I started not caring about that so much. My desperation to want to wear my heart on my sleeve was a way of looking for social acceptance. To not let people make up their own opinions about me and so on. Which, if you think about it, is pretty messed up.
If you being yourself doesn't resonate with people around you, then so what? Who actually cares. Becuase they don't, if they aren't willing to break down your boundaries and get to know you better, why should you?
Now, I'm not saying that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a bad thing, becuase it's 100% not and I still do. But now, I'd say I'm less ready to pour out everything to people who haven't asked for it.
I don't use it to excuse my quietness or my actions. For one, to excuse a behaviour suggests that an action is shameful or embarassing, which it isnt. I don't need to apologise for who I am. And secondly, no one actually gives a f***. Not in a rude way, but in a liberating way. People with social anxiety tend to forget the fact that no one is overthinking the same things you are. There's comfort in that when we remind ourselves of it, I think.
Ironically, I also hate pouring my heart out. I'm a walking contradictory hypocrite, I know.
Whenever I'm at my lowest, I push people away. I'm sure loads of people can relate to that. It's a pretty common human defence mechanism, which stupidly, often does more harm than good.
In this sense, taking down the boundaries that you think are protecting you is probably the best thing you could do to help you get better when you're going through it. Although, I'm aware that during the peak of a breakdown, that's not so easy. But like I said in my last post, you're real friends and family will be there for you when you come out the other end and be patient with you while you figure out how to take down those wall you were so eager to establish.
So basically, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between toxic boundaries and healthy ones. Especially, when at the time you're adamant you're doing the right thing for yourself.
I'm not here to tell you to re-evaluate boundaries you've created or that they're wrong for you. No one can tell you that. But if we're completely honest with ourselves, we've all pushed people away, or maybe just abandoned boundaries all together and sneak attacked people we think are judging us with our entire life history...or maybe that's just me.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we should use it more often. Yes the past is behind us and we should look forward to the future and all that but we can learn so much from mistakes we've made and times we've pushed people away. No one ever has it all figured out and no one's perfect, so trying to do those things is actually completely pointless.
Obviously, some boundaries are pretty sound and completely rational. Like when a car full of creepy guys driving down Broad Street in Birmingham on a Saturday night tell you to get in and they'll take you to a party. Don't get in. That's a pretty solid, unquestionable boundary everyone should have.
Of course figuring out healthy boundaries, like when to say no and not allowing toxic people into your world, are undeniably important. But I don't think we'll know exactly what's right until we take down our defensive boundaries first. Yeah you'll probably get hurt but so what? Isn't that what makes us the superior species anyway? To be capable of feeling incredible emotions and complex social situations that will test your character.
Pick yourself back up and try again.
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