On Being an "Emotional Toolbox"

I read Chidera Eggerue's book 'What a Time to be Alone' over the summer and I would highly recommend reading this book during your 20s. It's all about empowering and celebrating yourself, not worrying about what other people think and how to grow healthy relationships instead of toxic ones.

She talks about savior complexes and how people who don't feel in control of their own life tend to try and regain some sort of control by 'fixing' others. Now I've always been aware of the clichè of girls thinking they can 'change' or 'tame' a guy so they can live happily ever after and all that BS, I just didn't think I'd ever fall into that category. And not only do I think I fell into that category, but I'm also pretty sure I transferred the same idea to most areas of my life without even realizing it.

The whole idea of trying to 'fix' someone isn't really something I can relate to at the face-value. The book describes the concept further as making yourself indispensable and irreplaceable to someone, becoming their emotional toolbox. Whatever they need, you will give it to them, whether they deserve it or not.

Having a kind heart and being there for friends and family is a virtue, but I've learned the hard way it's important not to be naïve with it. You deserve the same respect and love that you are so quick to go out of your way to give to others. If you can give it to others so readily, you can also give it to yourself.

So I guess you should be your own emotional toolbox and get to know what tools you already have and what you need to upgrade before lending your tools to others. Does that make sense haha?

This is something I've been working on and it's pretty amazing how quickly will disappear from your life when you stop giving out tools to people who don't give you any back. Once you start working on realizing your own worth before helping others, you start to notice who deserves your kindness and who's just after it to feed their own ego.

If you wanna check out the book I'm talking about then you can get it on Amazon here.